If wet wipes are not part of your daily bowel movement regimen then I encourage you to re-think your level of hygiene. I remember as a very young child, my dad wiping my butt after I pooped. Each time he finished by saying, “clean as a whistle!”
It’s those and other phrases my dad would say that will stick with me forever, but I remember never really feeling as clean as a sparkling unused silver whistle, which is what I pictured each time he’d use the phrase. After all a whistle is something you put your lips on, so it better be clean, I’ve never felt my ass was clean enough after a dump to have one’s mouth on it and not call it a health hazard.
That’s because no matter how much you wipe there is still poo down there!! Duh, your wiping with dry TP!
It baffles me that anyone who doesn’t use wet wipes really feels like they are clean down there by just dry wiping. It’s quite simple, anyone who takes a second to think about it should realize that after they crap and wipe their ass, they are dirty down there. You are not clean!
Let’s say you drop the kids off at the pool, wipe normally and are about to have intimate relations about an hour later. Would you feel comfortable doing a 68+1 with a chick knowing you haven’t showered since your last #2? Unless you are Tucker Max who would probably prefer to have just dumped before sending a girl downtown, you certainly wouldn’t want a chicks ass in your face who hasn’t showered since her last deposit.
Would you feel much better knowing they used wet wipes, or knowing that you did after your tennis match…. It doesn’t matter if your a crumper or a folder, if you think that wiping with regular toiler paper is practicing good hygiene, I challenge you to what I like to call the “wet wipe challenge”.
The Wet Wipe Challenge
The wet wipe challenge, challenges you to take a dump, wipe normally with TP until you feel you’re done and then take one wipe with a wet wipe and tell me what you find? Yeah, pretty gross right? This is an epiphany moment when you realize you’ve been walking around with a dirty starfish your whole life.
I remember the day I discovered wet wipes. It made so much sense, it was brilliant that companies started marketing them for adults. They are 100% safe for septic systems and alcohol free. They can be found in the toiletry section of most stores, my personal favorites are Target’s brand of flushable moist wipes, though they seem to only be available in stores. Cottonelle makes a good wet wipe too.
Cheap and a quality pop up dispenser is what you’re looking for. I’ve gotten many of my friends and family hooked on wet wipes, we talk about how we can never go back to shitting without them. I have a friend who has a travel pack in his desk drawer at the office. When duty calls, he puts one in his pocket and takes it into the restroom with him. Now that’s dedication to a clean dumper.
However I’ve heard a few complaints from people I know that just aren’t quite into using wet wipes.
Their complaints are that they don’t like the feeling of a damp pooper after using the wet wipe. The other complaint is that they are embarrassed to have guests see a box of wet wipes sitting on top of the toilet. My ex girlfriend used to hide them whenever guests were coming over. I would ask her why I should be embarrassed that my “exit-only” is cleaner than theirs, and put them back out in plain sight, as if displaying a trophy of hygiene.
Most wet wipes are simply dampened with aloe and Vitamin E, two things that are sensational for an area as dark and dirty as the brown eye. The dampness is quickly evaporated within a minute after using a wet wipe and for those who really can’t stand the clean fresh feeling then I suggest wiping again with dry TP for your final wipe.
It’s become a bit of a deal breaker for me when I enter a girls bathroom and don’t see any wet wipes, (did you catch that she’s my ex-girlfriend) more of a feeling of disappointment really, that she just isn’t up to par on her maintenance. We aren’t handed a manual on life when we’re born, so I decided to write one on the process of the almighty number two.
It’s time to stop using practices developed by cavemen and start wiping like the civilized nation that we are.
Step 1: Make your deposit (in a toilet).
Step 2: Wipe with toilet paper.
Step 3: Finish with wet wipe.
Step 4: Flush and wash hands (with soap).
Wiping with wet wipes gives you that shower fresh feeling down there, it prevents dingle berries and leaves you feeling fresh and confident. It keeps the underwear skidmark free and combats itchy bunghole. Just as those cosmetic face wipes that collect oil leave your face feeling refreshed, wet wipes can be used anytime you’re craving that refreshed feeling. Perhaps you’ve been flatulent all day after that garlic chicken pizza from last night, or you’ve got swamp ass in Vegas from the desert heat. Hit yourself with a wet wipe to get that instant clean and fresh derriere.
Share your wet wipe challenge results below and contribute to the poll question above. Happy wiping.