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Wiping With Wet Wipes: A Must

If wet wipes are not part of your daily bowel movement regimen then I encourage you to re-think your level of hygiene.  I remember as a very young child, my dad wiping my butt after I pooped. Each time he finished by saying, “clean as a whistle!”

It’s those and other phrases my dad would say that will stick with me forever, but I remember never really feeling as clean as a sparkling unused silver whistle, which is what I pictured each time he’d use the phrase. After all a whistle is something you put your lips on, so it better be clean, I’ve never felt my ass was clean enough after a dump to have one’s mouth on it and not call it a health hazard.

That’s because no matter how much you wipe there is still poo down there!! Duh, your wiping with dry TP!

It baffles me that anyone who doesn’t use wet wipes really feels like they are clean down there by just dry wiping. It’s quite simple, anyone who takes a second to think about it should realize that after they crap and wipe their ass, they are dirty down there. You are not clean!

Let’s say you drop the kids off at the pool, wipe normally and are about to have intimate relations about an hour later. Would you feel comfortable doing a 68+1 with a chick knowing you haven’t showered since your last #2? Unless you are Tucker Max who would probably prefer to have just dumped before sending a girl downtown, you certainly wouldn’t want a chicks ass in your face who hasn’t showered since her last deposit.

Would you feel much better knowing they used wet wipes, or knowing that you did after your tennis match…. It doesn’t matter if your a crumper or a folder, if you think that wiping with regular toiler paper is practicing good hygiene, I challenge you to what I like to call the “wet wipe challenge”.

The Wet Wipe Challenge

wet wipes for adultsThe wet wipe challenge, challenges you to take a dump, wipe normally with TP until you feel you’re done and then take one wipe with a wet wipe and tell me what you find? Yeah, pretty gross right? This is an epiphany moment when you realize you’ve been walking around with a dirty starfish your whole life.

I remember the day I discovered wet wipes. It made so much sense, it was brilliant that companies started marketing them for adults. They are 100% safe for septic systems and alcohol free. They can be found in the toiletry section of most stores, my personal favorites are Target’s brand of flushable moist wipes, though they seem to only be available in stores.  Cottonelle makes a good wet wipe too.

Cheap and a quality pop up dispenser is what you’re looking for.  I’ve gotten many of my friends and family hooked on wet wipes, we talk about how we can never go back to shitting without them. I have a friend who has a travel pack in his desk drawer at the office. When duty calls, he puts one in his pocket and takes it into the restroom with him. Now that’s dedication to a clean dumper.

However I’ve heard a few complaints from people I know that just aren’t quite into using wet wipes.

The Resistant

Their complaints are that they don’t like the feeling of a damp pooper after using the wet wipe. The other complaint is that they are embarrassed to have guests see a box of wet wipes sitting on top of the toilet. My ex girlfriend used to hide them whenever guests were coming over. I would ask her why I should be embarrassed that my “exit-only” is cleaner than theirs, and put them back out in plain sight, as if displaying a trophy of hygiene.

Most wet wipes are simply dampened with aloe and Vitamin E, two things that are sensational for an area as dark and dirty as the brown eye. The dampness is quickly evaporated within a minute after using a wet wipe and for those who really can’t stand the clean fresh feeling then I suggest wiping again with dry TP for your final wipe.

It’s become a bit of a deal breaker for me when I enter a girls bathroom and don’t see any wet wipes, (did you catch that she’s my ex-girlfriend) more of a feeling of disappointment really, that she just isn’t up to par on her maintenance. We aren’t handed a manual on life when we’re born, so I decided to write one on the process of the almighty number two.

It’s time to stop using practices developed by cavemen and start wiping like the civilized nation that we are.

It’s simple:

Step 1: Make your deposit (in a toilet).
Step 2: Wipe with toilet paper.
Step 3: Finish with wet wipe.
Step 4: Flush and wash hands (with soap).

Wiping with wet wipes gives you that shower fresh feeling down there, it prevents dingle berries and leaves you feeling fresh and confident. It keeps the underwear skidmark free and combats itchy bunghole.  Just as those cosmetic face wipes that collect oil leave your face feeling refreshed, wet wipes can be used anytime you’re craving that refreshed feeling.  Perhaps you’ve been flatulent all day after that garlic chicken pizza from last night, or you’ve got swamp ass in Vegas from the desert heat. Hit yourself with a wet wipe to get that instant clean and fresh derriere.

Are you a wet wipe user?

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Share your wet wipe challenge results below and contribute to the poll question above.  Happy wiping.

About Benjamin Hanlon

I've demanded that those I know refer to me as the great, however it seems I'll have to settle for just Benjamin, founder of the demothegreat.com.

Comments

  1. This site was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have
    found something that helped me. Appreciate it!

  2. I hate to be graphic but here it goes.

    I have been struggling with Hemroids for a few months now, the other day I was showering and noticed a rather large bit of matter fall from my butt as I was rinsing and thought, wow that is effing gross, what goes on back there. So I went to get roid medicine and picked up some medicated wipes as well.

    The next time I went #2, I finished my business and used one of the wipes and was shocked to see how much residuals were on the wipe, I had to use 3 more to get it to come up “clean as a whistle”. I was left stunned for the next few hours about what level of hygiene I have been practicing and teaching my teen sons.

    So today I am going to the local Walmart to buy a package of refill wipes and a plastic dispenser and from this day forth we will be a family of Wet wipes and TP.

    Sorry for the graphic nature of this post, but I think many people could really be having some health issues with that area and are to embarrassed to talk about it, I have always wondered how really obese people take care of that area and if I was not getting the job done how can they possibly be doing so?

    Thank you for your frank discussion on this subject, I am with you 100%.

    • Benjamin Hanlon says:

      Derf,

      Thanks for sharing your “epiphany moment” even if it did take the graphic nature of this post to the next level, haha.

      Cheers.

  3. Magninimous Mongoose says:

    I have also recently had this revelation (like, today). I like wet wipes, partly for the enhanced cleanliness, but also because wiping with only dry TP irritates me and sometimes causes slight bleeding (it is from the irritation, not any other cause of rectal bleeding). I will be buying a few big packs next time I’m out at a discount store :D

    hopefully lots of people will see this page and there will be a clean bum revolution (but also, I hope that the revolution will not be televised)

  4. Ok so I’ve just come across this right before wet wipes changed my outlook on tissue paper, or TP as you like to call it :-D

    Yes I have used wet wipes before, but NEVER thought of it in this way!

    It all makes sense! That’s why babies bums are wiped with wet wipes! Hygiene!!

    I am converted :-P

  5. First off, i would just like to say i like how honest you are. you don’t use “poo” or other stupid words, you get straight to the point “PEOPLE CRAP AND YOU HAVE A DIRTY ASS!” and use funny metophors (died laughing at dirty starfish)

    Secondly, you have opened my mind bro. I always thought i was clean down there until i used a wet wipe and witnessed the sin of only using dry TP. Today, you have changed a life.

    • Benjamin Hanlon says:

      Right on Josh, glad you could enjoy my humored yet very serious approach to this topic. I’m honored I’ve changed your life for the better, haha. Spread the word brother.

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